I have been married now for close to twelve years now, and though there have been some tough times, my wife Deidre and I are still hanging in there and love each other.  We have a number of friends who got married before and after us, who have the same story.  However we know of many who have started out on the journey called marriage but decided that there was not enough  The subject of divorce is a difficult one whether you’re in Christian circles or not.  The truth of the matter is that divorce is that elephant that is standing in the middle of a lot of our rooms but no wants to acknowledge it.  The question is what do you when faced with it and how do you handle the subject of dissolving a marriage when there is so much involved and invested.

Handle Your Business

What is often difficult to keep in perspective is that you almost have to view divorce like a business transaction rather than the end of a relationship.  Over the life of a marriage, property is acquired, accumulated, and disbursed.  When its time to dissolve a marriage relationship, the spouses have to take on the mind of a mergers and acquisitions manager, and stay objective, or you will become emotionally charged and eventually make the wron decisions.  I know it sounds cold and calculating (no pun intended), but what may have started out as a passionate love romance must, oftentimes, be relegated to a four-person board meeting (if you count the lawyers).

Fair & Balanced

One thing you should keep in mind is that what will ultimately keep your conscious and mind stable during this difficult time is to avoid the “take ‘em to the cleaners” mentality.  If you can maintain a level of dignity while keeping the spirit of revenge at bay, you can actually minimize the collateral damage that exists in these “War of the Roses” type of episodes.  All too often, the overwhelming feeling of getting back at a spouse who may have cheated, for example, consumed a woman client of mine, and the force of her emotions eventually backfired, harming many more people than she originally intended.

Make sure all the financial cards are on the table and that there is a clear understanding of who is assuming any outstanding debts, and that fairness is not pushed aside.  For example, if you know that you incurred 90% of the debt in the marriage, then it might be feasible for you to assume a larger part of that debt when it’s all done.  Consider the real assets and realize that if you can minimize the damages (and that means money as well as feelings), then you would have made an otherwise, painful experience, bearable.